I feel happy

It’s Sunday morning and it’s one of those few days that I can really say that, it is gonna be a good day. Why? – just an intuition. A hunch. An out-of-the-blue feeling.

While Mr. Posner sings Bow Chika Wow Wow (I know it’s an old song already), the feeling hits me – I want to write. While Pumped Up Kicks (again I know it’s still kinda’ old) plays in my iTune player, I decided to write the upbeats of my life and those people involve in it. I am definitely not gonna write about my work – it’s a bummer.

I feel happy. Just yesterday I finished my Comprehensive Exam for my MAN degree to make me a step closer to finishing my post-graduate degree. A day before, we Skyped with our brother in Dubai and we pretty much had a normal conversation. By normal conversation – I’m referring to endless smiles and laughters. Also yesterday, our very good friend was declared an Electronics and Communications Engineer by the PRC – in simple terms, he passed his board exam. Just yesterday again, I learned that one of my good friends, a Seaman, arrived here in the Philippines for his yearly off from work. In simple terms, it means food trips and night outs in the city. Just now I read an article talking about love written by my friend whom I thought is numb all these years. And at this very second, my FB prompted me by a message of a very good friend from America just saying hi and how much she misses me – with her usual I-Love-You-s reserved just for me. And as I wait for the result of my COMPRE, my brother takes his 1st-Sunday Bar Exam. I have the feeling he will pass it.

Oh well, maybe this is not just a random intuition that I feel like this is gonna be a good day. I just want to share the optimism and positivity to readers who might need it. I am just glad that while I have reasons to cry and worry all day, people around me always give me reasons to continue living, laughing my way out in every challenges life throws at me.

Written by Syaoran Pe

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Is it Love or Like?

I don’t usually write about my love stories either falling in or out. Simply because I don’t want to shout to the world my love for her nor chronicle how we become the best of lovers. More so, I don’t want to get back to and dwell on those bitter days.

I admit I am not that romantic like what every girl dreams of their knight in shining armor. I am just a typical happy fellow out there who cares much of today and wait the tomorrow to become today to make the most out of it. I am more of a now person.

But this will be an exception.

My friend introduced a young lady through social networking, Facebook to be exact. She is working in the east coast, hundred miles away from me and we haven’t met yet in person. I won’t deny that she has captured my attention. And that means I am spending a considerable time with her mostly through telephone. I think it even falls under limerent state. I was struck because of her beauty perhaps (beautiful indeed) or maybe because of her lovely voice. She is a lady bloomed by love of her family, her father especially. She is full of dream, and one is to have a happy family like what she is having now. She may have some specks of insecurity like all of us but these are overshadowed by her optimism.

Things turned out well for a couple of months or more. We talked about life and love and future plans shifting sometimes the talk about work and family. I read her about life quotes and stories, singing those loveliest songs I know. Simply it was all about her and me. I entertained the big possibility that she is the ONE I have been looking for. Suddenly, things became unexpectedly rough. It was something that I cannot understand even if how hardly I tried. I was grappling for those suppositions which culled during college days. But none of them could give the answer. I was attributing the reasons externally. I never considered internal attributions as I know I was doing the right things. Until I realized one night after a casual talk, on the contrast of like and love, with a 64 year-old widowed who is dating a foreigner younger than her that I may have to reconsider my position. I need to get back to the basics. She figured out the difference between like and love based on her experience. She said that like is the precursor of love. You cannot love a person unless you like him/her. Love blossoms between two lovers if they started liking each other, whether that love is familial or romantic. She however admitted that the demarcation line between the two is hazy which I agree. As our discussion went on, I remembered this article from an unknown author on the difference between like and love:

In front of the person you love, your heart beats faster
But in front of the person you like , you get happy.

In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring
But in front of the person you like, winter is just a beautiful winter.

If you look into the eyes of the one you love, you blush
But if you look into the eyes of the one you like, you smile.

In front of the person you love, you can’ t say everything on your mind
But in front of the person you like, you can.

In front of the person you love, you tend to get shy
But in front of the person you like, you can show your ownself.

Then person you love comes into your mind every 2 minutes.
You can’t look straight into the eyes of the one you love
But you can always smile into the eyes of the one you like.

When the one you love is crying, you cry with them
But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.

The feeling of love starts from the eye
And the feeling of like starts from the ear.

So if you stop liking a person you used to like
All you need to do is cover your ears,
But if you try to close your eyes
Love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever after.

After our enlightening discussion and after going through again the article, I could say I already fathom the real score. #

The wave. The sand. The moon.

 

Was it the deafening silence of my inside or just the sound of the waves? Was it the lonely moonrise from afar or the meaningless disco lights in the beachfront? Was it the laughter of my friends for which I can’t seem to ponder the humor? Was it the breeze who whispers messages I barely comprehend?  – I’m just trying to make sense of the crater of hollowness inside my chest.

I’ve never been a good liar as my few good friends would say. It was not about the silence or the sound of the waves or the moonrise or the disco lights or my friends. It was about her – that beautiful girl who stood in front of me, holding my hand, looking up at me in those teary eyes and pleaded not to let go of whatever we have.

It was December in the island of Boracay. It should have been the most romantic date of my year and most romantic place of my life but seemingly it turned out to be the place where I have to do the most difficult task. We were inlove… very deeply. I tried to take it one day at a time while she looked forward to forever; I tried to enjoy Boracay while she dreams of having a family; I tried to find reasons to love her even more while she disregarded rationality because she loves me; I tried to be a good lover while she imagined I am her knight-in-shining-armor; I tried not to hesitate while she gave it her all.

She cried. She said words that only added pain to the decision I painstakingly tried to stick to. I tried to cry but I guess I have cried enough for that moment. It should have been the most romantic date of the year but that day I did not only broke her heart but even more her hopes and dreams in us. It should have been the most romantic place but all the beachfront did was to cover up her sobs with the sound of its waves.

I guess it’s pointless now to explain myself. But on that part of my travel, l learned that to love someone is never like a puzzle with a missing piece. To truly love someone is to know that you are a puzzle with a missing piece and that special person you’ll find is not there to complete you but to make you realize that though you are an incomplete puzzle you are beautiful as you and that she is willing to live with that imperfection for the rest of her life. And as we part our ways, I truly pray that we may find that person who will accept the space we decided to create in our hearts.//end

Written by: Syaoran Pe